welcome to the bisexual information carrd !!
made by @vampvores on twitter. if you would like to ask any questions, politely contact me there.
before we start,
are you bisexual?
hey there! i hope you know that you’re very lovely and amazing! your bisexuality is beautiful and valid. no matter what anyone tells you, you should never be ashamed of who you are; identity wise and personality wise.
the bisexual community, at least in online spaces, has a very weak presence, and decades of bisexual activism have been pushed back in the name of ahistorical, internet-borne discourse.
it’s time we all came together to show that bisexuality is an identity bisexuals deserve to be proud of, and have every right to flaunt around.
we’ve had enough of letting internalised biphobia move us, along with the want to fit in with circles where biphobia is normalised. we’ve had enough of joking about how we’re ashamed of being being bi (“i don’t claim the bi community anymore!”) just because someone who said the wrong thing just happened to be bi too. we’ve had enough of trying to make apologies for others just because of one individual. we — no, you have had enough of being ashamed and insecure about something you deserve to take pride in. it’s time that you start taking pride in your identity!
you are not transphobic for being bi. you are not half gay or half straight for being bi. you are not more likely to cheat or any of the stereotypes people have made you out to be. you are not anything people who aren’t bi believe you are, and we will discuss what these things are, why they’re harmful, and why they matter even if you feel like it’s “not a big deal.” (spoiler alert: it is.)
if you have checked this carrd and read this far, it means you do want to be educated on bisexuality and what bisexuals go through. i hope you know that both outside and inside the LGBT community, there has, and continues to be a lot of biphobia — if you somehow don’t know, just stick around. bisexuals, as part of the community, have been excluded and hurt in many ways, and we bave had our struggles dismissed and belittled whenever we would try to bring awareness to them.
if you have any bisexual friends or are lgbt yourself, it is your obligation to make sure you never do anything that is biphobic or erase any of our history. it is your obligation to be an ally because you yourself know how necessary allies are. hopefully this carrd can be the beginning of that.
also, reminder to NEVER try to silence a bisexual. if a bisexual person has found discomfort in something that you did, please listen to them.
(ps: if you are a bi ally, whether you are cishet or LGT, thank you for your support! thank you for listening to bi people and helping us get our voice out there. we appreciate you. 💞)
table of contents:
what is bisexuality?
bisexuality might be defined by different words and statements, seeing as each bisexual can define bisexuality using their own terms, but one thing all the definitions boil down to is the inherent attraction to all genders. bisexuality has always been inclusive of everyone, and isn’t restricted to attraction to the two binary genders, nor can it exclude either binary gender.
bisexuality, in other words, is the existence of hetero-attraction and homo-attraction in one sexuality. it’s inherently inclusive of all genders.
“but i thought ____ was that!”
“but saying that bisexuality is inherently inclusive of all genders erases other sexualities or microlabels coined precisely for this purpose!”
you can’t erase bisexuality and how it’s been defined and lived throughout the ages just because you don’t like it. bisexuals have been altering our definition for years just to prove ourself as a seperate and valid identity. it's not our problem or our obligation to change our definition just to differ ourselves.
if you are not bi, the most direct and simple definition you can use is:
bisexuality is attraction to all genders.
false but common definitions:
"bisexual means two or more genders"
"bisexual means two groups of genders"
"bisexual means female and male"
definitions such as the ones above are purely ahistorical; there are no sources to prove that any of them are true, and validating them erases bi history.
bisexuality has always been attraction to all genders. saying saying bi = two or more genders is ridiculous... which two genders? non-binary isn't monolithic; nonbinary does not count as a single gender. are you saying you would date a bigender person but not a genderfluid person? how will someone try to pick and choose? will you be able to tell, at a first glance, whether someone is nonbinary? let alone what their nonbinary identity or identities precisely are?
and if your attraction excludes a gender, then you're not even bisexual. if you’re not into men, you’re either straight or a lesbian and if you’re not into women, you’re either gay or straight. but if your not into nonbinary people, and youre bi, then you’re simply transphobic — because, again, what does a nonbinary person “look nonbinary” and how do they differ enough from binary people for you to decide that you don’t experience attraction to them?
“then why is it called bisexuality?”
the term “bisexual” wasn’t coined by bisexuals, it originally meant intersex, and the prefix “bi” referred to being of two sexes. it was later on reclaimed by bisexuals to describe their experiences as those who fall outside the established gay/straight binary. bi doesn’t mean two, and any statements that include the word ‘two’ to define bisexuality — such as the ones mentioned above — are ahistorical, biphobic, and were made up recently.
impact of biphobia
(how are bisexuals oppressed?)
bisexual people face oppression and biphobia, but a lot of people think that we don't because of the myth that we are “straight-passing.” that rhetoric is not only very biphobic, but silly. getting your identity erased or reduced to being half of something it isnt is NOT straight privilege.
((additionally: passing, in general, is a concept stolen from discussions that concern racial issues, and it’s a concept that only works in racial issues. a white-passing person is privileged for being white-passing even if it was known that they are not white. their ‘closeness’ to whiteness alone brings them privilege. meanwhile, bi people lose any kind of privilege they have for being perceived as straight (aka erased) the moment we are outed as bisexual, regardless of how well we “pass.” besides, the implication that all bi people are capable of being perceived as cishet erases the fact that many of us are trans and/or gender nonconforming, and that more often than not, our sexuality is erased and reduced to gayness/lesbianism too.))
here are some notable statistics regarding bisexual people having disproportionately higher rates of ending up as victims and needing resources we don’t have, and other things that have not been spoken up on, because of the lack of care for bisexual people:
KEEP IN MIND: these statistics are NOT random. these statistics are the product of the rampant biphobia. half of bi women end up as rape victims, and bi men are more likely to than straight women, because of the stereotype that bisexuals don’t have boundaries when it comes to sex.
bi people are more likely to end up poor and homeless because despite making up the majority of the LGBT community, we have the least amount of resources needed to sustain us.
bi people also have disproportionately high rates of getting stalked because of the stereotype that we are inherently cheaters, and thus will need our partners to “keep a constant eye on us.”
with all the stigma surrounding bisexuality in both straight and queer communities, alongside with all the abuse we face, and the lack of emotional support that helps bi people figure themselves out, it’s not surprising that bi people are also usually unlikely to come out to their intimate family and friends as bi.
am i biphobic?
being biphobic is something very normalized both inside and outside the lgbt community. its not always as blatant as seeing someone straight up admit that they hate bisexuals, and it sometimes counts as casual biphobia. there are biphobic misconceptions that we will debunk, along with biphobic behaviour that’s usually based on these misconceptions and we will call it out. click to read on both.
here are some of the common misconceptions:
- ""bisexuality is transphobic ""
whenever bisexuality is explained (and often in comparison to other labels), its always said that bisexuality excludes trans and nonbinary people, which is false. bisexuality is attraction to all genders, and while bi means two in latin, you shouldn't water down a sexuality to a latin prefix. the "bi" in bisexual wasn't even coined by bisexuals, but intersex people who used the term before us, and that was because it encompassed the two sexes. furthermore, saying bisexuality excludes trans people is transphobic becase you are willingly putting trans people into a third binary box instead of their respective gender.
- ""bisexuals are cheaters""
this stereotype is one of many common myths about bisexual people, and some people think this is a valid reason to have a ""preference"" to not date bisexual people. this myth sprouted because bisexuals are attracted to all genders, and just the over-sexualization of bisexuality in general. in fact, bisexual people are far more likely to be abused/cheated on by our partners than people of other orientations.
- ""if your attraction isnt 50/50, you aren’t bisexual and just don’t want to pick a side.""
the idea that bisexuals are half one thing, and half another, rather than 100% bisexual, is false. sexuality exists on a spectrum, and one person who is bisexual may feel mostly attraction to members of their own gender, while another bisexual person may primarily feel attraction to other genders. bisexuals who are in relationships with nonbinary people are still bisexuals. all of these people are equally bisexual.
- ""bisexuality is a stepping stone to eventually identifying as gay/lesbian.""
for every gay or lesbian person who used to identify as bi because of internal homophobia, there's a bi person who used to identify as gay or lesbian due to internal biphobia. bisexuality is often seen as ending up choosing a side and thinking that we're just confused or going through a phase. this is biphobic because you aren’t seeing bisexuality as its own identity, which it is. bi people are not "more straight" than gay people. bisexual isn't a mixture of gay and straight, being bi makes you inherently not straight.
- ""bisexuals aren't opressed and have straight-passing privilege.""
straight passing privilege is a myth used to vague and other bisexuals from the lgbt community. we aren't inherently straight, or more likely to blend into heteronormativity. if that were the case, why are bisexuals the most likely to face domestic abuse, poverty and suffer from mental illness than any other sexual identity? stop trying to say we have it easier than other lgbt folk, becuase we don't. and, as discussed earlier, the concept of passing can’t apply in this context the way it applies to poc so don’t water it down by using it like this.
move on to behaviours.
here are some of the common biphobic behaviours:
- having a “preference” to not date bi people.
“but it’s just a preference!!”
take a moment to ask yourself why you have that preference?your reason will always be biphobic or a biphobic stereotype. is it that you think bisexuals are cheaters or that you think bisexuality is a stepping stone and your partner will break up with you because they’re actually gay/straight?
“but i dated a bisexual and x happened”
bisexuals have experienced biphobia from gay/lesbian people and straight people for decades yet you don’t see us acting like that. generalising an entire group of people with almost nothing in common but our sexuality is biphobic, and not an excuse.
- arguing with a bisexual that something you did or someone else did isn’t biphobic is biphobic.
only bisexuals can decide what isn’t biphobic. when we say something harms us or is biphobic, don't try to defend it.
- getting upset when bisexuals talking about biphobia.
even when it paints certain people of your sexuality in a bad light, you must call out biphobic behaviour and harmful generalizations. some lgbt people would rather stay out of it because it means ""going against"" someone of their own identity. that proves how little you care about bisexual people.
- erasing any possibility of characters being bisexual
insisting that it’s canon that a character’s relationship with someone of the a different gender is a product of comphet or just a phase when it’s not canon, is in fact biphobia. they have just as much of a likelihood of being bisexual, and if your first instinct when a character is discovered to be queer but previously had a relationship with a different gender is that it was a phase, or a product of comphet, or insignificant because it doesn’t represent you, that’s an issue.
- dismissing biphobia as 'internet discourse'.
biphobia is not an online only thing, and it is not a discourse topic. it is oppression, prejudice, and hatered. bisexual people face biphobia in real life and in their communities just as much as any lgbt person faces lesbophobia / homophobia / transphobia. it’s even more complicated because the experiences of bi women and bi men differ. reducing our struggles to discourse that people who aren’t bi may discuss nonchalantly, disagree on, or mock, is harmful and it’s one of the main reasons biphobia and bi people’s struggles aren’t taken seriously.
- acting like you’re the overseers of bisexuals.
you are not responsible for us. you are not over us because you're ""more lgbt than us"". stop making up flags for us because you feel that ours is exclusive
its not. stop policing our identity. stop making “hot takes” about people who ""pretend"" to be bisexual. it is not your place or your business.
preferences with bisexuality
when discussing bisexuality, most people assume that its always a 50/50 attraction which is equally distributed. yes some bisexuals experience that; but to say that its the only way to be bisexual is false and confusing. bisexual people with a strong preference to women are still bisexual. bisexual people with a strong preference to men are still bisexual. bisexual people who have no preferences are still bisexual.
stop saying bisexual sapphics are experiencing comphet whenever they speak about their attraction to men. stop saying bisexual men and male-aligned people are just gay in disguise whenever they speak about attraction to men.
let bisexuals who aren't men talk about being attracted to men and having crushes on men without having to add some self-deprecating "oh, how unfortunate!" caveat to it because the internet has made them internalize the idea that liking men "taints" them somehow and makes them feel like they should be apologetic if they ever mention it.
and most importantly of all, stop blaming bi people who end up as victims for “choosing” to be with men in the first place. it is never right to blame the victim, so why do you think it’s acceptable to do that when the victim is bisexual? love is not a choice, but why do you think that bi people get to choose?
+ the idea that all men are inherently abusers or rapists gives them the chance to avoid being held accountable for their crimes — “boys will be boys,” remember? — and it harms male victims and erases their struggles too, especially those whose abusers were female.
bi lesbians are very harmful to both the bisexual community and the lesbian community, but the biphobic aspect of this issue is rarely spoken about.
the concept of ‘bi lesbians’ is inherently biphobic because it implies bisexuality can’t be a unique and complex sexuality on its own. it implies that bisexuals with a strong preference to women are just lesbians in disguise and it perpetuates the dangerous idea that lesbians can be attracted to men. and whenever the discussion rises; it is almost always used as an excuse to generalize bisexuals and group all bisexuals together.
we aren't saying you're not allowed to be angry, you have every right to be if this discourse involves you, as a lesbian or bisexual. but please start making distinctions in your anger and don’t pin the blame on the bi community as if this concept doesn’t harm us just as much as it harms you.
sometimes it shows how some people just wanna to blame bisexuals (bi women specifically here) for everything. a lot of people are supporting the “bi lesbian” thing because they think being a woman attracted to trans women and nonbinary women makes you bisexual and not a “full lesbian”, which is transphobic AND biphobic because it assumes that bisexuality is “liking two genders” (women and female-aligned nonbinary people in this case). it also implies that lesbian is an exclusionary identity that excludes non binary people.
people never talk about this because it would require admitting that a lot of those “bisexual lesbians” are actually not, in fact, bi women at all, and that some of them are lesbians who either are dealing with compulsory heterosexuality or people who do not understand how attraction works, and that you can't just blanket blame bi women for everything once again and may actually need to spend time addressing misconceptions ans stereotypes in our community and educating young people who dont understand the labels they're using, instead of banishing them to the traitor bisexual bin.
if you've made it this far, thank you for reading and i hope you found this carrd educational and helpful!! the goal of this carrd was mostly to educate people who aren’t bisexual, but hopefully it helps bisexuals understand their opression and sexuality as well!
if you are looking for a carrd that's more targeted towards bisexuals and OUR experiences, click here!! it was made by my friend and active bisexual activist who helped me write this carrd as well, jack (@introchild).